相比常常见面的情侣，异地恋爱需要付出更多才能维系一段感情。想要让异地恋开花结果，有的错误绝对不可以犯，一块儿看看专家的建议。
When you and your partner live in different cities — or even different countries — a lot of your energy as a couple will be devoted to maintaining your connection. You’ll send an abundance of texts, have standing FaceTime dates, and maybe mail each other a cute letter or two. But even when you do your best to stay in touch, there are a number of mistakes long-distance partners make that can lead to a breakup.
假如你和你的伴侣生活在不一样的城市甚至不一样的国家，你们将会花费很多精力用于维系你们的感情。你会发不少短信，用视频聊天软件约会，可能还会互寄情书。但，即便你已经尽力维系感情，有一些错误还是可能致使分手。
While any type of relationship takes work, long-distance relationships require a little extra effort and dedication — and it has to come equally from both partners, says Boston-based psychotherapist Angela Ficken. Big issues, like not being on the same page about communication or boundaries, will definitely chip away at your connection. But small issues can have an impact, too.
波士顿心理治疗师安吉拉·菲肯说，尽管维系任何感情都需要付出努力，但异地恋需要付出的更多，而且双方都要一同努力。有的大问题，譬如没在交流或界限上达成协议，一定会日渐损害你们的感情。不过小问题也会会产生影响。
Even though it’s tough, it is possible for long-distance relationships to thrive, says Kalley Hartman, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist. If you notice any of the issues listed below, find time to chat — preferably on a video call — so you can talk it out as a duo.
持牌婚姻家庭治疗师凯莉·哈特曼说，尽管保持异地恋非常难，但异地恋还是大概开花结果的。假如你注意到你们的感情出现了下面列出的任何一个问题，找时间聊聊，最好是通过视频电话，如此你们可以一块交流解决。
Here are some mistakes that people can make in a long-distance relationship, according to experts.
来看看专家指出的异地恋中可能犯的错误。
1. You Don’t Have Any Relationship “Rules”
你们没制定标准
Since long-distance relationships can lead to, well, distance, it helps to go in with a clear understanding of what your LDR will look like. In order to stay on the same page, “its important to have open and honest conversations about what each partner wants and needs from the relationship,” Ficken says.
由于异地恋会产生距离，所以明确知道自己将怎么样拓展异地恋或有助于缩短距离。为了让双方步调一致，菲肯表示：“开诚布公地谈一谈彼此对这段感情的需要非常重要。”
That means ensuring you agree on boundaries, communication, and expectations. If you part ways without havin agreed on the basics — like how often you’d both like to text or even the status of the relationship — the resulting misunderstandings and frustrations can lead to a breakup.
也就是说，你们要确保在界限、交流方法和期望上达成一致。假如你们在最基本的事情上（譬如你们发短信的频率或对姥爷布的情感状况）尚未统一建议就离别，那样随之而来的误解和沮丧或许会致使分手。
2. You Let Other People’s Opinions Cause Doubt
你被其他人的建议左右，开始质疑这段感情
There are a lot of haters out there when it comes to long-distance relationships,” notes Samantha Newton, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker. When you’re in one, chances are your friends and family will express doubts and worries.
持有执照的临床社工萨曼莎·牛顿指出：“不少人不看好异地恋。”假如你是异地恋，你的亲友们非常或许会表示质疑和担忧。
According to Newton, they might suggest you date someone who lives closer or express worry that your partner will cheat. And before you know it, you’ll start to feel like they’ve got a point. While it doesn’t hurt to hear them out, these concerns are often more about them than you.牛顿表示，他们或许会建议你和住得比较近的某人约会，或担忧你的伴侣偷吃。然后无声无息地，你会开始感觉他们说的有道理。尽管听听也无妨，但这类顾虑一般只不过他们依据我们的历程做出的判断，和你没多大关系。
Be cautious about who you open up to about your relationships and do not allow their personal relationship preferences to place doubt in your mind about your own,” Newton says. If your relationship is happy and strong, that’s all that matters.
牛顿说：“不要随意和其他人打开心扉谈论我们的感情，也不要让他们对感情的个人怎么看影响到你，叫你对我们的感情产生怀疑。”假如你的感情关系快乐又稳定，这才是非常重要的。
3. You Don’t Have A Visit Planned
你们没计划好下一次见面的时间
Not knowing when youre going to see each other again can be really challenging, says Erin Dierickx, LMFTA, a licensed marriage and family therapist. It can heighten feelings of loneliness, distrust, and doubt — and it’s also just kind of a bummer.
持牌婚姻家庭治疗师艾琳·迪尔里克斯说，不了解什么时间再见面真的会给异地恋带来挑战。你会感觉更孤独，对伴侣愈加不信赖和怀疑，也会对这段感情感到失望。
If at all possible, schedule when youll see each other next,” Dierickx says. “Even if its months out, havin a set date provides hope for the relationship and lessens the discouragement and fear around what may happen in the coming months due to not knowing when youll see each other next.”
迪尔里克斯说：“假如可能的话，安排好下次见面的时间。即便是几个月后，定好时间会让双方对这段感情抱有期望，也会降低将来几个月由于不知何时再见面而产生的沮丧和担心。”
4. You Forget To Schedule Dates
忘记安排约会
Scheduling date nights is just as important in an LDR as it is in person, so don’t let too many Friday nights go by without doing something fun. Think HBO watch parties, FaceTime dinner dates, or a long walk while you chat about your week.
面对面约会非常重要，但对异地恋爱而言，安排线上约会之夜也同样要紧，所以不要各自无聊地虚度一个又一个周五晚上。你们可以考虑相约一块看HBO频道的电影，通过视频聊天软件共进晚餐，或者一边煲电话粥一边散步，聊聊你们这周发生的事情。
We become closer to others through spending time with them and a great way to do this is through some kind of activity, says Dr. Alisha Powell, LCSW, a therapist and licensed clinical social worker. Long distance makes it more challenging, but watching movies, havin dinner together, or video chatting while doing the same activity can increase emotional intimacy.”
临床社工艾丽莎·鲍威尔博士说：“大家和别人的感情由于共度时光而变得愈加亲密，加深感情的一个好办法就是一块做某件事。这对异地恋爱来讲可能更难，但一块看电影、用餐或一边做同样的事一边视频聊天可以让感情更亲密。”
5. You Neglect Your Own Lives
你忽略了我们的个生活活
Too much of a good thing can sometimes be a problem. For example, if youre both working hard to create a healthy relationship, it can get to the point wher most of your time is spent thinking about each other. While that’s adorable, you need to take care of yourselves, as well as your partnership, in order for it to last.
有时过犹不及。举例而言，假如你们都在努力经营这段感情，你们可能大部分时间都在思念他们。尽管如此非常甜蜜，但除去经营好感情，你也需要照顾好自己，感情才能长长久久。
As Powell says, “It’s important for both partners to have their own lives so that they won’t end up resenting each other. It’s totally OK to put your phone down, take a breather, see friends, or spend some time alone.
正如鲍威尔所说：“异地恋爱有各自的生活非常重要，如此他们最后才不会怨恨彼此。”你完全可以把手机放手，让自己喘口气，见见朋友，或花些时间独处。
